On Blended Families

Adolescent depression

I have a 15-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old stepdaughter, and an 18-year-old stepson. My daughter’s first boyfriend just broke up with her. She has been irritable, sad, and grumpy for the past two weeks. She is a very sensitive girl and is normally prone to mood swings. I can’t tell if her ‘blue’ mood is a normal reaction to the break up or if I need to be concerned. My stepdaughter tells me that my daughter seems fine at school although she does tend to keep to herself. The contrast between the two girls is striking. My daughter is moody and melancholy and my stepdaughter is generally happy, positive and cheerful. It makes me wonder if I need to get my daughter some help. How do I know for sure what she needs?

— Concerned mother

Dear C.M.
Depression and melancholy are moods that most people experience from time to time but what you are describing in your daughter sounds like more than that. It wouldn’t hurt to have her evaluated for clinical depression.

We are all born with certain genetic dispositions and temperaments. You are observing this in your stepdaughter and daughter, who both clearly have different strengths and weaknesses. Some babies are happier than others because they have a natural emotional resilience. Behavioral scientists used to think that we were born with a certain level of happiness or unhappiness that couldn’t really be changed. But we now know that with specific interventions (changes in thinking patterns, behavioral habits, and medication if needed), happiness and resilience can be learned.

The current statistics on depression are staggering. Studies indicate that one in eight teenagers and one in every 10 children is suffering with depression. People with depression are getting younger and younger. Twenty years ago, the average age for the onset of depression was 25 years old. Now, it is 14 and a half years old!
Advice to parents of young people prone to depression:

•Spend time with them, listen to them without criticizing them, and offer them understanding and kind guidance;

•Encourage regular physical exercise, healthy diet, and sleep cycle;

•Seek advice and consultation from a qualified mental health professional;

•Help them to identify their strengths and to cultivate those – stable self-esteem is fostered by having the ability to regulate our own emotions and impulses, harness our energies and focus them in a positive and productive way.

•It is normal to get depressed every once and a while but it should diminish over time.

•Encourage your child to participate in activities that make them feel better (journaling has been associated with better mental health; healthy hobbies, etc)

•Allow your child some space and time (and keep an eye on them without being intrusive).

Recommended Reading:
The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.

Diana Weiss-Wisdom, Ph.D. licensed psychologist (psy#12476)
Offices in: Del Mar and Rancho Santa Fe, California; www.drdianaweiss-wisdom.com

To schedule an appointment or for a free 15 minute consultation call (858) 259-0146. This is an advice column, not meant to be psychotherapy.