Helping hands in a tight economy

By Debra Feinberg

Twenty years ago, just after we arrived in Carmel Valley, the economy went south—clearly not anything compared to the issues facing our country today, but it did adversely affect a number of people we knew in the neighborhood, including us. Having moved from Los Angeles six months prior to that drop in home prices, shortage of available work and other downturns, my search for a position was going nowhere. And we had to put food on the table—so I worked as a substitute teacher and a waitress. The Johnny Rockets restaurant had just opened up on Camino del Mar in the Del Mar Plaza and I remember telling the owners. “I know I am old, but really, I am great waitress.”
I was “discovered” by neighbors visiting the restaurant for lunch or dinner. Some were flabbergasted and asked, “What are you doing here?”, shocked to see a neighbor in a uniform actually bussing tables, making shakes and malts and picking up tips. “Working and earning some money,” I answered.
I was raised by parents who said don’t judge a book by its cover, or more to this point, “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you make any judgments.” 1989 was a tough year for the economy, jobs were scarce and on top of that, my husband made a career change earning half his previous salary. I was living a double life: a marketing consultant Monday through Friday and a waitress on the weekends. My dining room became an office of sorts and, when my consulting jobs were thin, we dipped into our 401k, used credit cards and borrowed from family. What else can you do when things are bad?
I have always considered myself lucky and this period was no different. Our family was able to stay in our home. Friends didn’t ask, they just told me when they could take the kids if I was out of town on business or Bob was at an evening work event. Meals appeared and carpools were arranged. I was rich in friendship and caring.
The concept of “keeping up with the Jones’s” wasn’t invented in Carmel Valley, but it definitely exists here. The newest car, the best school, the wardrobe, vacation spot or remodel plans are regularly shared—and there is nothing to be ashamed of in that. In fact, we all need to celebrate the successes of our friends and neighbors, all the while knowing that things are not always as they seem. There’s the recently divorced single mom barely clinging to her home while her ex-husband has moved on to a new life or family; the laid off biotech executive who is interviewing at Starbucks several mornings a week and looks older than his counterparts, and struggles to stay positive; the entrepreneur or small business owner who needs a vibrant housing market to make ends meet.
Often we see, yet we don’t really see. Yet we do feel one another’s pain and struggle. I have personally witnessed how individuals make our community and its members feel secure in small gestures of kindness and larger demonstrations of philanthropy. My life in Carmel Valley includes 20 years of thankfulness to friends for lending a hand in hard times to one another. In this current economic situation, I hope we can keep up the good work.

From Classrooms to Cop Cars

(Originally published in the December issue of Canyon Crest Academy’s Pulse Magazine.)
By Matt Scarano and Maurice Bumbu
Five delinquents sprinted out of their second period classes on Sept. 25. They quickly piled into two cars parked strategically on the street so as to avoid being stopped by campus supervisors. Their goal: off-campus lunch.
The hurried routine had a certain degree of familiarity. These students had made the trip to Camino Del Sur before, sometimes as often as three or four times a week. Their actions were deliberate, their crime premeditated; they were fully aware of the rule they were breaking — Canyon Crest is a closed campus for juniors, and juniors they were. However, even if the possibility of getting caught crossed their minds, it certainly never occurred to them, or to any of the many juniors and underclassmen that leave campus at lunch every day, that they could be arrested for such a petty transgression.
Leaving Rubio’s, they were stopped by several police officers, who, after requesting to see the boys’ school ID cards, placed them under arrest for “daytime loitering,” an offense in the same official classification as public urination and underage possession of tobacco. They were brought to the local Carmel Valley police station, ironically missing their third and fourth period classes, which they would otherwise have returned to on time.
One of the students involved, who asked to remain anonymous, expressed his feelings: “At first I was really worried, but then I realized I couldn’t do anything about it.” Upon receiving a phone call from the police department, that student’s parent “thought it was a joke at first,” but said she was terrified at the thought of what her son might have been doing to warrant an arrest, then relieved to discover he was merely eating lunch.
Another student involved described his reaction: “I was mad. I missed a pre-calc quiz, and an important day in APUSH. I don’t think we should have been arrested; the closed campus rule was made to be broken. Food at school is bad and expensive. Why shouldn’t we be able to drive ourselves to lunch?”
This incident, though an isolated event, ignites debate over exactly how “closed” or “open” the Canyon Crest Academy campus is and should be. Scores of juniors and seniors remember when the campus was closed to all Ravens.
“It’s something we discussed when the school was first opened,” said Principal Brian Köhn. Last year the right to off-campus lunch was given as a type of “senior reward,” but while schools like Torrey Pines and San Dieguito Academy have extended the privilege to juniors as well as seniors, CCA juniors are still not allowed to leave school during lunch. When asked why, Köhn answered, “The bottom line concern is safety. It’s not so much that we need to protect the community from kids going to lunch; it’s that we need to protect our students from the dangers they encounter off campus.” With national statistics showing that motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for teenagers and that 16 year-olds have higher crash rates than drivers of any other age, it’s hard to ignore the safety argument.
Still, many students do not see the logic behind allowing teenagers to have a driver’s license, and to drive themselves to school in the first place, but forbidding them from leaving campus at lunch to grab a quick meal.
Others contend that having rules against juniors going off campus forces police to waste time catching harmless students at lunch. A recent article in the Rancho Santa Fe Review discussed reports of common drug use on and around the CCA campus before and after school and at lunch. However, no significant police action to counter the drug use has been taken. Anyone who has used the locker rooms in the past couple of years is aware of the issue of theft on campus, but no thieves have been arrested.
Officer Adrian Lee of the SDPD could not speak to the specific event because of privacy laws, but remarked, “As officers, we don’t go out and say, ‘Hey, let’s go bust some kids eating lunch today.’ It’s just our job to enforce the laws that are on the books. So if I see a kid daytime loitering, I’ll pick him up.” When asked if he believes the police could use their time more wisely, Lee replied, “We respond to the complaints we get. It’s not like I can ignore one crime because another is more of a problem; that isn’t for me to decide. We have to see things in black and white.”
With strong arguments for and against a more open campus, and a refusal from the police to take either position, a solution to the problem must come from the school itself. Principal Köhn said, “there is no perfect answer, but for now it is safe to say the rule won’t be changing anytime soon.” Ultimately, many students at Canyon Crest will simply have to keep a sharp eye out for their friends in blue.

Del Mar Mesa trails usage — let’s hope San Diego City Council will get more balanced information about the area before they make their decision in January on recreational usage

While reading articles in the [local newspapers] about the Del Mar Mesa Preserve trails, I noticed that no estimates of the number of bike users were mentioned. Terms such as "four times larger," "increase of a factor of 10," and "an exponential increase" compared the number biking before summer and now. From those descriptions, and testimony before the planning boards, one would expect to see hordes of outlaw bikers swarming down the hillsides at breakneck speeds.
There are five "tunnel" trails, each going up separate valleys from the canyon base to the Mesa; none of these would be useable by horseback riders, as hikers and bikers need to duck under low hanging branches and barely fit between some trunks.
I have ridden these trails two hours on most Sundays, 10 a.m. to noon, since June. I typically saw up to six groups of riders (a couple of singles and pairs and two with three or four bikes), a total of about 14 riders. Once or twice over the last six months I saw a bike club group of 10 to 12. Never were there any near accidents, even though we may have been going in opposite directions. On weekdays I may see two or three small groups/singles. Over those six months I've only seen about six hikers, two joggers, and no horses on the "tunnel" trails.
Recently, I decided to walk the "tunnels" and the Mesa trails with friends and family on the Friday after Thanksgiving and on a Sunday about 10 a.m. During these two hour walks we saw about the same number of biking groups I had seen while riding. In every case the riders were very courteous, half the time they stopped ahead of us and let us go by before continuing, the other times we moved off the trail and let them go by. Again there were no surprises for either party as neither group was plugged into their ipods. While walking the "tunnels" we saw remnants of migrant camps (bike clubs have removed much of this debris since June) scattered along each "tunnel" trail.
Sadly, I noticed last week that several limbs at the base of Tunnel 5 had been recently cut at about a horseback rider's shoulder height; there were fresh hoof prints nearby.
I hope the San Diego City Council will get more balanced information about the area before they make their decision in January on recreational usage there. It would be great if they all hiked the "tunnels" and the Mesa single tracks between now and then, great exercise and unusual beauty. I would be glad to accompany them.
Mark Friedman

New TPHS off-campus policy is a wise move by administrators to keep the community safe and help students stay in school and off the streets

By Daniel Qu
TPHS Focus Editor

A few people can make a situation difficult for many, as proved in Torrey Pines High School’s new off-campus policy. Community members have complained of students loitering and engaging in a variety of other inappropriate behaviors off campus during school hours. As a result, the San Diego Police Department (SDPD) was asked to crack down on the truancy situation. In response, TPHS administrators passed a new off-campus policy that requires students with an off-campus class or an unscheduled period to carry a school-issued schedule and student ID whenever they are off campus during school hours.
The opposition to this policy lies mainly with students who find it to be inconvenient. They believe that the administration does not trust them and is trying to find ways to control students and take away their rights.
It is ridiculous to think that students could be upset at carrying some paperwork around to verify that they are not truant. In fact, the purpose of the entire policy is to help students have evidence that they are not ditching class if ever stopped by a police or truancy officer. Additionally, this policy only affects a small proportion of the TPHS population because it only applies to students with an off-campus class or a free period. The new policy is a very small demand on students in exchange for the ability of the police to enforce laws and protect the community. All other students should be in class anyways and should have nothing to be worried about. After all, there is nothing to fear if one is not doing anything wrong.
In the event students are stopped and questioned by police, they are to present their paperwork to the officer to prove that they have permission to be off campus. Students who are not in possession of their schedule and school ID, or who are off campus without permission, may be cited by officers and returned to campus.
Opponents of the policy also worry that this new policy gives the police department the official right to cause trouble for unsuspecting students. However, this mindset comes mainly from individuals who think that the police, for lack of a better phrase, are out to get them.
The purpose of law enforcement is not to mess with kids, but to make sure students stay in school and do not cause trouble in the community. Even if there are select law enforcement officials who may have such a malignant agenda in mind, the policy should still be enacted in order to show TPHS’s support for the community and maintain the school’s reputation. Members in the community have the right to feel safe in their own homes and should not have to worry about truant students loitering on their property or making trouble for businesses in the Del Mar Highlands Shopping Center. In this perspective, there is nothing wrong with the new policy. Its intent is to ensure students are in school, and to keep neighborhoods safe, and to help the police respond quickly and efficiently to any problems.
Students who believe that the new off-campus policy is in violation of their rights or is an excuse to keep students in check are blowing the situation completely out of proportion. This new policy is a wise move by administrators to not only keep the community safe, but to help students stay in school and off the streets.

Moving to Carmel Valley the
best decision our family ever made

By Debra Feinberg

We moved to Carmel Valley – North City West at the time – in April 1989, meaning that we will be here a full generation in 2009. Twenty years: from kindergarten through college for our two kids, from parent teacher conferences to “empty nestdom” for Bob and me. Upon reflection, moving here was the best decision our family had ever made.
To my peers in the community, do you remember the pre-kindergarten testing conducted by the Solana Beach School District? As I compare that episode to awaiting notification of college admissions 12 years later, the pressure and stress was similar (alright it was kindergarten and not the college). I was a new mom, in a new city and my first-born was entering public school. I was concerned as to whether my daughter could successfully accomplish the tasks at the “acceptable level” for an entering student into kindergarten no less.
I was fortunate enough to meet another young mother whose appointment was the same time as mine was with my daughter. She had moved from Irvine, Calif., and was actually much better informed than I was regarding the testing protocol. They would be observed cutting with scissors and hopping, asked to identify coins, asked to sort objects and write their names. Fear gripped my psyche as I tried to quiz Alana ahead of her time slot. If not for this new friend’s attitude and warm laugh – coupled with her invitation for the kids to play together — the event would have scarred me for several months if not years. We survived the testing event and Alana was “accepted” into kindergarten. Whew!
Kindergarten was a chance to meet new friends and start the adventure in the educational system together with other women also new to Carmel Valley. For almost all of us, this was our first child and we all chose this community because of the great schools. We dove into volunteering, participating in school events, scheduling carpools and playdates. We spent time getting to know one another, and exploring San Diego. Parks and stores were opening up all over and we visited them with kids in tow.
And what was the byproduct of all this? While Alana was making friends with Erin, Morgan, Lauren, Natalie, Melanie, Samantha and Robin, I met Ruth, Mary, Missy, Roseanne, Ginny, Teri and Michelle. We started our days with coffee in each other’s homes, scheduled happy hours on our cul-de-sacs and as the kids grew, our friendships deepened. So I am reminded of the saying, “everything I know I learned in kindergarten.” Actually, most of the friends I have today, I met in my daughter’s kindergarten class. Together we still watch the kids mostly from afar, now that they have finished college, entered graduate programs, started careers and in some cases, married. And as much as we can, we still get together for small gatherings and larger events, which includes those coffees and happy hours, but now often includes conversations about ailing parents, concerns about retiring from our careers, and general aches and pains we are feeling.
Every time I answer my door for a Girl Scout selling cookies or a child selling gift paper I fondly remember our early days in Carmel Valley. It’s great fun seeing the new families moving into the neighborhood, gathering for block parties, enjoying our many community amenities, and making similar links with neighbors. Good for them I say. These will be treasures you will hold dear a generation from now.

What did we do wrong?

I am writing you this letter in hopes that someone more knowledgeable than myself can tell me just what the heck happened! Where and what did I do wrong? Nothing! Yet here I sit and contemplate my life and what I thought was the right way, the “American way.”
I came to California at the age of 7 with my father (a pharmacist), my mother (a housewife,) and my two siblings. We came here in a green Oldsmobile convertible, a desert bag attached, $1000 in my parents’ bank account, and three young children. We left Pittsburgh, Penn., to go out and grasp the “American Dream.” We lived in an apartment for a year in Covina, Calif., and then my parents qualified to buy a house in beautiful Tustin, Calif., for $38,000. My dad passed his boards here and became a pharmacist and my mom was the lunch duty attendant at my school. We knew all of our neighbors, and we helped each other, we got together on Friday nights, even John Wayne showed up at one of the great parties.
We could say “Merry Christmas,” and our neighbors could say “Happy Hanukkah” and neither was politically incorrect, and neither one wanted to take away the other’s traditions. Those were the days. I went to Foothill High School in Tustin and I was probably one of the kids whose family made the least money annually. I worked all through school. Yet, I never felt less than, never felt beneath any of my friends. I competed in the pool, played water polo, was a cheerleader, gymnast and dancer — in that, nobody could compete with me on. I worked hard at all of it. Weekends I cleaned houses, ironed, cleaned pools and babysat to make my own money. I had quite a following, too.
After school I bussed tables at the little local Italian restaurant. I loved work. I cleaned around my friends as they slept in on Saturday mornings. I gave them grief for their laziness, too. When I was 17 my parents sold their home and moved into a smaller home in order to buy and start their own business. Since they had to still work their jobs until the business got started, I was put into the store to run it along with my uncle. Again, hard work but a lot of fun. I became a jeweler. I could even afford to have great health insurance for my employees, too. So, I was 17, going to school working at the jewelry store and having a ball. What happened? Someone let me know! I am frustrated and angered. What did I do wrong? While Wall Street greed and political corruption runs rampant, I now know I am helpless. I feel just like part of a herd. Who pulled the wool over my eyes? Oh, and now the “bailout is called a TARP.” Well, look around folks, the small business owner who has employed most of the work force is dropping like flies. So if the CEOs and the big corporations get their $700-plus billion "TARP" bailout, then the small business owner should get a circus tent.
It insults my intelligence that welfare has become a social class, and the bailouts are for corrupt companies and corrupt CEOs who took companies down the tubes and got paid millions when they exited. I am in the middle. Oh, and by the way, where is my melaroos tax going? How about the lottery money that was to go to the schools? Does anyone know that your kids have to bring their own pencils to school along with paper and a long list of other supplies? Someone just write back and let me know where it all went. I have had my long nights worrying about tomorrow. And frustration that I have worked as hard as did my parents, grandparents and their parents too. To no avail. I am a single mom with a small business and I love showing up there. But, tell me what I did wrong? I did nothing wrong. I know I am in for the ride of my life.
But I will continue to show up day or night to service the people I care about and love to talk to. I am not too proud to clean houses again, or iron or babysit as long as I can have healthy, happy children, family and friends. That I mean with all my heart. Because, I am humbled by the privilege of at least getting to have the dream for awhile. If it all ends tomorrow I have the faith in not the government, but the average American, who are good, hard-working people, and I am forever grateful in the work ethics my parents instilled in me. I wasn’t born entitled, nor respected. This had to be earned. I can look back now and honestly say that was probably one of the best lessons I have learned in my life. With this attitude and my faith I will be OK and I hope all small businesses can hang on for the wild ride.
God Bless,
Debbie Beran Boettger
P.S. Let’s just hope President Elect Obama doesn’t forget the small guys.
The Best and Most Beautiful Things in the World Cannot Be Seen or Even Touched, They Must Be Felt with The Heart — Helen Keller

Budget cuts to critical program place our elderly community at risk of abuse and neglect

By Christopher C. Walton, Esquire

When California’s state budget was signed in late September 2008, a little-publicized line-item veto eliminated 100% of California state funding for the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program. This represented half of the total funding for the program and served as a devastating blow to many elder care advocates, including the several nonprofit agencies that provide these critical services to our elderly population throughout California.
California’s Ombudsman Program is run by the California Department of Aging and essentially acts as an advocate for the rights of the elderly patients who reside in long-term nursing homes and residencies. Many of the elderly in our society have no friends or family who visit or advocate on their behalf. The Ombudsman Program attempted to fill this void by receiving and investigating complaints regarding the quality of care being provided in skilled nursing facilities. The program further advocated the needs of our elderly population by using public education to highlight the laws, policies and regulations that effect the long-term care system. Many consider the Ombudsman Program a vital watchdog for a very vulnerable portion of our society, and the first-line of defense against the rampant abuse and neglect that unfortunately plagues many of the nursing homes operating within the state.
The elimination of this funding came at a particularly bad time considering the Department of Health and Human Services released a report just days prior warning that the current state of our elder care is in grave shape. The study found that more than 90 percent of nursing homes were cited for violations of federal health and safety standards and 94 percent of for-profit nursing homes were cited for deficiencies. Problems included infected bedsores, medication mix-ups, poor nutrition and abuse and neglect of patients. In California, conditions were even worse where 99 percent of nursing homes were found to have received stated deficiencies.
For those of you that have family members or friends living in nursing homes in California, it is now even more important than ever to visit them regularly and be observant of their conditions. Having potentially lost a great advocate in the Ombudsman Program, we must all work together to stop the gross mistreatment that is regularly plaguing our elderly population. Many of the individuals who reside in skilled nursing facilities are living out the remaining years of their lives, and they deserve to be treated with the utmost care, dignity and respect.
Christopher C. Walton is an attorney with the firm Berman & Riedel, LLP, where he concentrates his practice in the area of elder abuse and neglect. If you have any questions or comments, you can reach him directly at (858) 350-8855.